Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
