were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
