why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
