Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
