Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
