Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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