Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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