I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He shit in the fireplace
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
