So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
