Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
