Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
