goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
