This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
