Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
