The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
