you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Randomize
