You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
