I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I believe in your delicious
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
