i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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