note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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