im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
