The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
