I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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