it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
the liver wants what the liver wants
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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