You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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