I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
