Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
