All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
