Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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