Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
