I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
