I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
