bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
