So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
