I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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