I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
