Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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