There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
