the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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