you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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