I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
