lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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