I puked a lego.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
