im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
