so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
