I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Randomize
