You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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