I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
