We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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