I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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