too bad you live with your parents still
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
