i think my tv is drunk
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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